It’s 1am and I should be asleep. I have to be up in 4 hours. I’m not sure why I keep myself awake. It’s like I’m waiting for something to happen. I always have this feeling that I’m waiting for something. It’s an odd feeling.
In other news, I find out tomorrow if I get the promotion at work. You know, that promotion I haven’t mention at all on here. If I don’t get this, I think I’m quitting. Not because I didn’t get it, but because my heart’s not in it anymore. I don’t like coming into work at all. I actually enjoyed my job. That’s really hard to do when you work retail. It drains me. I leave work not wanting to talk to anyone or do anything. I still do because I know better. I know if I followed through on that, it’s the express train to depreasionville for me.
Lately, things have been good socially. I don’t feel that anxiety I used to when in a crowd or small gathering. I have friends I can rely on. I’m not afraid to put myself out there. I feel comfortable opening up to people again. I used to be this open book. I would share my experiences and would let people know how I’m doing. Up until recently, I wouldn’t. I like where I’m headed. There’s a comforting feeling of normalcy. I like it. I think taking that leave from Xanga was the right thing to do. I was too invested in this online life, it was keeping me from experiencing anything in the real world. I miss the people though. A few more than others.
It’s 1:27am. I think I’ll have a muffin and watch a movie.